Is True Self-love Really Achievable?

Seriously. Even if you’re not happy with your size; even if you think one or more of your features isn’t quite as it ‘should’ be, and even if you’ve got scars or an illness that affects the way you look, you are gorgeous. Believe it.

According to the Yahoo Health’s Body-Positivity Survey, only one in seven women love their bodies, with the other six viewing it negatively or ambivalently. Worse still, on average, women have 13 negative thoughts about their body every day. Poor self-image increases the risk of depression, anxiety, and can have a dramatic impact on your overall health in other ways, too. So whether you feel gorgeous or not, read on. Here’s how to feel great about yourself, every day.

It’s not all about looks

Put down the glossy magazines. Hold off from social media, and try to limit any other appearance-related input you can. It may feel like entertainment, or even seem inspiring, but looking at images of gorgeous people won’t make you feel more gorgeous, nor will it make you look more gorgeous. Quite the opposite, in fact. Consider this: when you’re looking at women in mags or on TV, more than half are portrayed sexually or as objects of beauty. Women’s professions, abilities, talents or personalities are largely ignored.

Even when it comes to sports players and Olympic athletes, more ‘feminine’ women – those considered more sexually attractive – receive far more media coverage than other stronger, fitter and more able athletes. Even female politicians are described in terms of their clothing, their hair, and so on. Without even knowing it, despite our lauded strengths and abilities in the world of sport, business, finance and elsewhere, women are constantly being fed this idea that their appearance is not only paramount, but all there is to be judged on.

One study, from the University of Ottawa, Canada, found that women’s responses to a sexily-dressed made-up female compared to the same woman without make-up, dressed in trousers and a plain top, were more hostile. So does that help self-esteem? No, of course not. Without even thinking about it, you begin to value yourself in the same way – a way that’s almost entirely based on your skin, your hair, your features and your physical form. Rather than focusing on how perfectly you can follow all the moves in your dance class, or how effectively you handle a difficult client, or how your body carries you over miles of rough terrain easily and quickly, you assess yourself almost exclusively in terms of appearance.

Get out of the habit

The first step to break this way of thinking is to value your body in terms of what it is able to do, rather than what it looks like. For example, you might have great posture, so you focus on how you have a strong core to hold yourself that way. Or you may have nimble feet that allow you to leap up mountains and perform step-perfect salsas.

“This is an excellent way to fall in love with your body,” says Lisa-Jane Holmes, of wildcatfitness.co.uk. “Focusing on achievement rather than the way you look is so much better for overall esteem.”

It’s not easy to achieve

Maybe you’re so deep into disliking parts of yourself that you can’t pinpoint what your body does that’s great. The easy bit is thinking you’re weak, overweight and unhealthy. You stand in front of the mirror and all you see are all the ways you’d like to be different. The hard part is working on spinning them to be more positive. “Rather than looking at yourself and saying: ‘I hate my thighs, they’re so chunky,’ look at yourself and figure out what you can do to love your body more,” says Holmes. “Perhaps come up with a plan that focuses on the area as a whole, rather than obsessing about one particular area. Perhaps most importantly, change the ‘why’ of getting fit. “Exercise because you love your body,” says Holmes. “Not because you hate it. Focus on creating the best overall version of yourself.”

Find health advice and more in every issue of TRAIN for HER magazine.