How Faking It Really Can Help You Make It

On today’s broadcasts, fake news may be a big bad ugly thing, but you don’t have to be a politician to tap a little of that energy for your own devices.

Take, for example, when your body feels like it doesn’t have an ounce of energy left to give up for the last mile or so of your marathon, or when you’ve spent all day slouched over your desk but want to show-off ballerina posture on a date later, or even when you’re feeling miserable and can’t figure out how to cheer up – faking it can make good things happen without you even realizing. Here’s how…

Get legs up to your armpits

Strapping your pins into the highest heels you can find and pairing them with a short skirt is not, believe us, the way to fake long legs, especially if you’re trying to do the latter while training. Don’t believe us? Believe Susan Alcindor, fashion editor and stylist (susanalcindor.com), then.

“First, go pattern free – stick to darker shades on the bottom and keep prints or patterns on your top half, which will draw the eye up. Choose as simple and plain detailing as possible; avoid bulky pockets or large turn up cuffs, too. Longer length trousers worn with heels automatically give length to even the shortest of legs. Also, go for shorter length cropped jackets, and tuck longer length tops into trousers or a skirt to give the appearance of a shorter torso and never-ending legs.

“Finally, choose nude shoes that match your skin tone and will visually elongate your leg to maximum effect.”

Get a healthy digestive system

In an ideal world, you’d never have taken antibiotics which kill off some of the good bacteria in your digestive system as well as whatever bacteria you’ve got that’s making you sick. In an ideal world, you’d eat fermented foods such as ‘high meat’ (meat you and I would probably describe as being off, which has been ‘hung’ for several weeks before you eat it), raw onion, and sauerkraut, all of which help promote health gut bacteria.

Unfortunately, eating a healthy-gut diet can also make you really gassy, and who hasn’t taken antibiotics in their life? This is why faking it with a healthy dose of probiotics is a really good move. In fact, if you are taking antibiotics, dosing up on probiotics can reduce the side effects of your meds, too – a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association showed that using probiotics while taking antibiotics could reduce the risk of loose bowels by 42%. This will ensure you get over your ailments and are in better health.

Get a yoga body

So you’ve spent all day destroying your spine by being sat in front of a screen and the last time you did a garudasana pose was ages ago. Here’s the thing – do these moves from the Gokhale Method (gokhalemethod.com), a system designed for better posture, and you’ll instantly ooze an aura of meditative beauty and yoga-like calm. First, don’t force your body into a good standing posture. Instead, roll your shoulders back and let your thumbs point out to the sides of your body rather than inwards.

This helps work your abs, and gives you a naturally better stance. Second, when you are seated, try ‘stretch sitting.’ Move your bottom towards the back of the chair, lean forward, bending a little at your waist. Hold onto the chair bars (where the arms of the chair connect with the seat), and raise your torso a little. Now lean back and rest against the back rest.

This helps stretch your spine, so your posture still looks perfectly yoga even after a long day at work.

Get a toned booty

Strictly speaking, there is no such thing as ‘toned muscle’ – it’s just another way of saying ‘lean muscle’ i.e. not big and bulky muscle, the kind that guys usually go for, while women tend to prefer a more streamlined look. But back to your butt… To streamline it; to make it look like a curvy carved piece of tight muscle, you need to fake gym time by doing squats elsewhere. Going for a wee? Squat above the toilet bowl instead for a great butt-squeezing workout. Sitting for a moment to take a call? Squat it. Brushing your teeth? Squat it. All that concentration will give you a beautiful derriere in no time at all.

Get a happy outlook

Smiling, even when it’s the last thing you feel like doing, can really make you feel happier. When researchers had study participants fake different types of smiles, using just their mouths, for example, or smiling with their eyes (called a Duchenne smile, after the neurologist who first identified a genuine smile versus a fake one, or “smeyesing,” to the rest of us), they found that mood was improved more with the type of smile that involves the eyes, too.

What’s more, another study involved asking people to say certain vowels and they found that people reported feeling happier when they said ‘e’ rather than other vowels. What’s the link? Well, with the ‘e’ making people perform a facial expression similar to a smile, this could be the fake smile effect once again.

Get faster run times

Sure, you can fake your running times by simply telling others you ran so-and-so miles in a superhuman number of minutes but, better still, why not fake your energy levels so that you trick your body into moving faster for longer? For example, if your legs feel tired, pump your arms.

“By pumping your arms you take the focus off your legs and you’ll find you discover deep reserves of energy,” says Janae, of popular running site hungryrunnergirl.com. “You can also try imagining a rope attached to the person in front of you, then picture yourself pulling on that rope to catch up with them. It really works!”

Get a healthy tan

Too much sun = cancer. Or, at best, old-looking skin/brittle hair and so on. We all know it but somehow can’t shake that feeling that, well, lightly tanned skin looks healthy and sexy. This is why some of us still go on sunbeds, despite official warnings from the International Agency for Research on Cancer stating that sunbeds and sunlamps are “carcinogenic to humans,” as well as figures showing that nearly 15,000 people per year are diagnosed with malignant melanoma each year in the UK alone.

Thankfully, there’s no need for sunbeds, or even roasting yourself in the sun, though. “I love Sisley,” says make-up artist Emma White Turle (emmaturle.com).

“Everything is exceptional. Bondi Sands tanner is fabulous and the range is great. It works brilliantly and is foolproof.” So no streaks, no orange tint, and no dreadful smell; just beautifully faked sun-kissed skin. Still, don’t try and workout in it or your gym towel might look like it’s been on a vacation.

Get great at BBQs

It’s summer, and while we know that men love to lord it over the grill. We also know that what comes off that grill can often be overcooked and about as fun to chew as a surfer’s flip-flop. So cheat. Pre-cook sweetcorn in the microwave (leaves still on) so it only needs a quick flip on the grill to give it that chargrilled flavor. Pre-cook chicken, too, in the oven, for the same reason. And marinade the meat.

There are some puritans who’ll say this shouldn’t be done, but if you want delicious juicy steak right off the grill, soaking your meat beforehand will keep it tender. You can use an acid base for your marinade (vinegar or wine, for example) or milk or yogurt – believe it or not, these two dairy products produce the tenderest meat of all.